It is not okay to be The Nice Guy and the people in your life that are telling you it is are a source of Blue Pill poison. We should be thankful that so many people tell us that it is okay to be The Nice Guy, it helps us know who not to trust. Now I will tell you some hard truths about Nice Guys. (Note: the following assumes a stay at home wife. If your situation is different, amend accordingly)
They are liars
Anyone that that has responded to the question “How are you?” with “I’m Super, thanks for asking” has lied to you twice. They are not super, no one is. And they don’t believe they owe you thanks for your enquiry, they’re just saying it. They guy that always has a smile on his face, never admits to feeling bad and agrees to fix every problem his girl has is as two faced as anyone you’ll meet. Women are smart. They know this and they don’t trust The Nice Guy. On the other hand, The Bad Boy is brutally honest when he says “I can’t be bothered listening to you whine today so be quite”. Honesty is good. Women like honesty. You should be honest.
They resent their wives
The Nice Guy gets big ol’ rush of endorphins when he fixes his wife’s problem. Sometimes he comes home from work and learns that the house is a mess so he cleans it up for her. Then when she looks very tired and dinner is cooked yet, he prepares the food too. Eventually however he get unexpectedly angry and demands to know why he “has” to do all her chores for her and why she is so lazy. Right now the women is justified in looking shocked and retorting, “I have never asked you to do anything, you did it happily because you are The Nice Guy”. She is right. The better move for the husband is to accept that sometimes his wife is too busy to cook/clean and leave it at that. If it is a habitual problem, bring it up. But doing her job until you resent her is mean, cruel and unfair to her.
They demonise their wives
Building on from the last point, sometimes The Nice Guy comes home from work and the house is in good order. Given that he defines himself as the one that fixes everything he will immediately begin to create problems that aren’t there and then fix them. His wife has done nothing wrong but he needs her to be helpless so he can help. In The Nice Guy’s mind women need to have him save them so therefore all women must be flawed. Again, it is mean, cruel and unfair
Nice Guys are terrible receivers and excessive givers.
From time to time people give and receive gifts. It is a part of society and necessary for society to function well. The Nice Guy gives very well, often too much, but does not do well at receiving. Receiving is important as that is how trust and relationships are built. The Nice Guy does not want anyone else to be the nicest guy in the room and so he hates others giving gifts. When women give something of themselves to men, it is a very good idea to be highly appreciative of her gift. In the case of giving too much, women don’t like to see their men give away everything that his family might need. She perceives a man like this to be weak and ‘a pushover’ and it is not attractive.
Nice guys over emphasis female approval
The Nice Guy believes he is a good man when women approve of him. He is very aware of other women in shopping centres and at work and how they react to his presence. His speech and appearance is designed to be approved of by women. Unfortunately, a good man is what other men approve of, not women. Equally unfortunately is the additional fact that having the approval of other males is highly attractive to women. True, plate theory tells us that ‘preselection’ is advantageous but having the respect of other men is seriously attractive stuff.
- Learn to say No;
- Set boundaries;
- Speak your true feelings;
- Don’t make your wife your emotional centre;